bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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