The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
