You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
