Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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