I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
