He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Randomize
