i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
