I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
