Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
