mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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