Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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