how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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