Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
