i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
