i don't plan on having that self control this summer
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize