Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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