and you said cock pushups were impossible
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
