Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
