I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
