If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
