I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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