any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
this hospital has no fireball
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
