Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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