Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
