I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
