apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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