Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
