I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
