He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
