Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
