I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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