It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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