i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
