I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
