K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
