Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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