My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...so i touched it.
i think i have two assholes
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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