they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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