She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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