Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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