omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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