Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
