Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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