Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
