Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
