When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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