Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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