small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
