Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have demons in me.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
