I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
