You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
