so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
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