My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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