Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
