You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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