This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
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