I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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