I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
