I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
